I have had quite a productive day today and I wanted to tell you all about it and show you some pictures. There has been a slight hitch however that I baked a cake today and I did a step by step of all the pictures but then me being me I FORGOT to take a picture of the actual finished product. WHO DOES THAT? Well, I got extremely flustered but I wanted to show you the pictures anyway and you will just have to believe me when I say it looked fantastic 😉
The ingredients before I gave them a good beating…
The ingredients after I gave them a good beating. Fact: cake batter tastes better than the actual cake just saying
Had to take a picture of my favourite Cath Kidston spatula didn’t I
This would be one of the sponges but then that’s as far as I got with the picture taking I’m afraid
And then other things that I have done today was I made two birthday cards:
Birthday card number one
Birthday card number two
And then I had to buy some cake ingredients, went to see family and wrote a pen pal letter oh and I made my dinner but no photo today because I am posting the recipe tomorrow. (if you follow my instagram then hello you have probably already seen said photo) and then that’s me, I feel very productive.
Today I wanted to share with you one of my all time favourite recipes. I make this so much and it is so quick and easy and such a favourite of mine. You can serve it with anything you like: rice, couscous etc. I always have mine with pasta.
1 onion, finely chopped
2 celery sticks, finely chopped
2 carrots, diced
4 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tbsp each tomato puree and balsamic vinegar
250g diced vegetables. You can you anything you like I used: courgette, red pepper and mushrooms
50g red lentils
2 x 400g cans chopped tomatoes
What to do:
Tip the onion, celery and carrots into a large non stick pan and add 2-3tbsp of water. Cook gently, stirring often until the vegetables are soft
Add the garlic, tomato puree and balsamic vinegar, cook on a high heat for one minute more, add the diced vegetables, lentils and tomatoes and then bring to the boil
Turn the heat down to simmer then cook for about 20 minutes until all the vegetables have cooked.
I hope you are all well and I hope you have had a lovely week. It’s the weekend now which means we can all slow down a bit and I give permission for you to have a break and relax this weekend. I guess a lot of things have happened since last week when I last wrote a blog post so I shall start with last weekend when it was my nanas 80th birthday party and on Saturday morning I travelled up there with my parents because it takes 5-6 hours to get there and my sisters went the day before so they could help with the party preparations etc. On Sunday evening it was my nanas actual party but on Saturday evening it was still a huge challenge for me. We had dinner with the German side of my family because we just haven’t seen them in so many years and it was nice to catch up. I find the socialising part so difficult in itself because it has been so many years since I have seen my German cousins so that is one challenge. And then the next challenge was actually eating in front of them and at first I got so anxious and upset because I would say no when I was offered a drink but they kept going on and on and wouldn’t take no for an answer so that upset me a little. So the second challenge was to actually eat in front of everyone and I think a lot of people recovering from eating disorders find this bit hard and I know I do because I think people are going to be staring at me and thinking nasty things about me. The more likely thing is that they would probably be too engrossed in their own food to even notice. And then the last challenge was eating a Chinese takeaway (!!!!!!!) Oh my I haven’t had a takeaway in over six years. It was scary and uncomfortable but I did it and I came out the other side and I am not ashamed to admit I am actually a bit proud of myself. So then the next day on Sunday we spent most of the day preparing the food for the party. The actual party was with all of the family and some of my nanas friends as well. I think the most difficult part was the socialising. I just kind of felt out of place and I didn’t know what to say or how to act. I didn’t really feel like I belonged at all. And then that’s sort of how my week turned from bad to worse because I started listening to all of the thoughts again. I listened to my eating disorder and I obeyed but starting from Wednesday I have been trying my absolute hardest to follow my meal plan again. Yesterday was also a huge challenge for me because I had to go out to lunch with my community nurse. It was scary for me and it’s hard for me because she barely knows anything about eating disorders. She had a training course a few weeks ago and she likes to tell me things that aren’t even relevant. Like I said once that I am worried about putting weight on quickly and she said when you are at such a low weight, the dieticians increase your meal plan gradually so you don’t get refeeding syndrome. And it’s like that has got nothing to do with what I said she just likes showing off. It frustrates me because she goes on about eating disorders being secretive and then I ask her not not be weighed and she is fine with it. I know I should be more angry at myself for doing what my eating disorder wants be I WANT them to stop me when I can’t stop myself. Anyway, by the time I got there I was so anxious and I wasn’t hungry one bit. I said to her I don’t want anything because I am not hungry and then she said oh okay then well do you mind if I get something then? I don’t know, I feel like I ask too much just for these people to support me. I want them to help me but they don’t they just sit there while I have a battle against myself and it’s just unpleasant. In the end I did order a sandwich and it was actually really tasty and that is all that matters I have decided. Not that my nurse just had a salad and I could have gotten away with not having anything. I stood up to the bully in my head and I ate. And then today has been quite a busy day and I have really enjoyed it actually. I went to my volunteering this morning which I go to every Friday morning. I help out in a charity shop and I really like it because it helps me a lot with my social skills and that is the area that I need to improve on a lot. And then after the charity shop I came home and had lunch and then I painted my nails this lovely coral sort of colour:
I then relaxed a little this afternoon and ate my amazing afternoon snack of course which I wanted to talk to you about.
I just love eat natural bars SO much and if you live in the UK, like fruit and nuts bars, like chocolate then you will love these as well. I always have my cupboard stocked with them because they are my favourite go to snack. I like how they are really balanced with a little bit of fruit, protein, important fats and then the chocolate which is needed to balance it out. I think this one here along with the cashew and blueberry yogurt coated ones are my favourite. So yes, if you haven’t tried these already then I would highly recommend you trying them! I hope you all have a lovely evening and I shall be bak with another post very soon
Today I have decided to share with you a recipe because on my Instagram I always have quite a few people saying they would love to know the recipes for the things that I cook and bake. So I thought I would start off with a pretty basic recipe. Pretty much all of the ingredients are ones that you would already have in your house so it’s always good to be able to make something and not having to rush and and buy something last minute and also this recipe is so quick and that’s exactly what you need sometimes. I do love cooking but I don’t like to be in the kitchen for hours after a long, busy day!
1 onion, diced
1tsp olive oil
1/2tsp ground cinnamon
1tsp ground cumin
300g mushrooms, quartered
400g can chopped tomatoes
400g can chickpeas, rinsed and drained
1tsp clear honey OR 1tsp agave nectar
Fry the onion in the oil for 6 minutes until softened. Add the cinnamon and cumin and cook for one minute, stirring. Add the mushrooms and cook for 2 minutes then stir in the tomatoes, chickpeas and honey/agave. Simmer for 7-8 minutes.
To make the couscous I use 50g per person and 2-3 depending on how big they are dried apricots per person. Chop up the apricots into really small pieces and then put in a bowl along with the couscous. Pour over boiling water from the kettle until it has just covered the couscous and then cover with a plate and leave for five minutes. When the couscous is cooked fluff up the grains and serve with the mushrooms.
be able to eat out at restaurants with family and freinds
be able to eat infront of other people
be able to make/prepare food infront of other people
be able to not isolate myself from others
be able to go to school full time
be able to think straight
not be so cold all the time
not be so irratible all the time because i am hungry
not be dizzy and have headaches all the time
want to take part in things that other people would love to do. Like go shopping or go to the cinema etc
The bad things about being ill are:
Being obsessed with calories.
Not being able to eat something if i don’t know the calorie content.
Not being able to socialise with my family and other people because food is mostly always involved.
Being cold all the time.
Crying all the time for no reason.
Not being able to do my best at school.
Not having a life.
Being on my own shut in my room all the time.
Not being able to go outside much because i am too depressed.
Being asleep and lieing down alot of the time because i have no energy.
Feeling unloved when i am so clearly loved.
The good things about not eating are:
absoulutely nothing. From now on i am actually going to stick with my meal plan and carry on eating because i enjoy eating and i like tasting new things even if ED doesen’t. I will not listen to ED because it’s wrong. Everything it says is s****. So starting from now I am taking control. and you can tell me i am losing control all you like but the truth is YOU are the one that is losing control and you are so scared that i won’t be listening to you anymore. Well now you can walk your fat ugly ass of the face of this planet because i am NOT listening to your LIES anymore. Because that is all they are.