A bit about my week


I hope you are all well and I hope you have had a lovely week. It’s the weekend now which means we can all slow down a bit and I give permission for you to have a break and relax this weekend. I guess a lot of things have happened since last week when I last wrote a blog post so I shall start with last weekend when it was my nanas 80th birthday party and on Saturday morning I travelled up there with my parents because it takes 5-6 hours to get there and my sisters went the day before so they could help with the party preparations etc. On Sunday evening it was my nanas actual party but on Saturday evening it was still a huge challenge for me. We had dinner with the German side of my family because we just haven’t seen them in so many years and it was nice to catch up. I find the socialising part so difficult in itself because it has been so many years since I have seen my German cousins so that is one challenge. And then the next challenge was actually eating in front of them and at first I got so anxious and upset because I would say no when I was offered a drink but they kept going on and on and wouldn’t take no for an answer so that upset me a little.
So the second challenge was to actually eat in front of everyone and I think a lot of people recovering from eating disorders find this bit hard and I know I do because I think people are going to be staring at me and thinking nasty things about me. The more likely thing is that they would probably be too engrossed in their own food to even notice. And then the last challenge was eating a Chinese takeaway (!!!!!!!) Oh my I haven’t had a takeaway in over six years. It was scary and uncomfortable but I did it and I came out the other side and I am not ashamed to admit I am actually a bit proud of myself.
So then the next day on Sunday we spent most of the day preparing the food for the party. The actual party was with all of the family and some of my nanas friends as well. I think the most difficult part was the socialising. I just kind of felt out of place and I didn’t know what to say or how to act. I didn’t really feel like I belonged at all. And then that’s sort of how my week turned from bad to worse because I started listening to all of the thoughts again. I listened to my eating disorder and I obeyed but starting from Wednesday I have been trying my absolute hardest to follow my meal plan again.
Yesterday was also a huge challenge for me because I had to go out to lunch with my community nurse. It was scary for me and it’s hard for me because she barely knows anything about eating disorders. She had a training course a few weeks ago and she likes to tell me things that aren’t even relevant. Like I said once that I am worried about putting weight on quickly and she said when you are at such a low weight, the dieticians increase your meal plan gradually so you don’t get refeeding syndrome. And it’s like that has got nothing to do with what I said she just likes showing off.  It frustrates me because she goes on about eating disorders being secretive and then I ask her not not be weighed and she is fine with it. I know I should be more angry at myself for doing what my eating disorder wants be I WANT them to stop me when I can’t stop myself.
Anyway, by the time I got there I was so anxious and I wasn’t hungry one bit. I said to her I don’t want anything because I am not hungry and then she said oh okay then well do you mind if I get something then? I don’t know, I feel like I ask too much just for these people to support me. I want them to help me but they don’t they just sit there while I have a battle against myself and it’s just unpleasant. In the end I did order a sandwich and it was actually really tasty and that is all that matters I have decided. Not that my nurse just had a salad and I could have gotten away with not having anything. I stood up to the bully in my head and I ate.
And then today has been quite a busy day and I have really enjoyed it actually. I went to my volunteering this morning which I go to every Friday morning. I help out in a charity shop and I really like it because it helps me a lot with my social skills and that is the area that I need to improve on a lot. And then after the charity shop I came home and had lunch and then I painted my nails this lovely coral sort of colour:


I then relaxed a little this afternoon and ate my amazing afternoon snack of course which I wanted to talk to you about.


I just love eat natural bars SO much and if you live in the UK, like fruit and nuts bars, like chocolate then you will love these as well. I always have my cupboard stocked with them because they are my favourite go to snack. I like how they are really balanced with a little bit of fruit, protein, important fats and then the chocolate which is needed to balance it out. I think this one here along with the cashew and blueberry yogurt coated ones are my favourite. So yes, if you haven’t tried these already then I would highly recommend you trying them! I hope you all have a lovely evening and I shall be bak with another post very soon


Long time, no post.

Hi 🙂

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I haven’t been busy or anything but actually for the fist time in ages, things are really going well. I have been out with my family loads of times last week and we have been having picnics everyday. It has been really good and I have been really enjoying it. It feels so nice not to isolate myself from anyone anymore and actually feel alot more relaxed around my family.

We have been doing loads of different things. We went horse riding on tuesday as you know and we also went to a few houses that are owned by the national trust which was really interesting. And then yesterday me and my parents went to a zoo where they had seals, otters, puffins, fish and all those types of animals. It was really good! We have been there a few times but that was a while ago so when we went there yesterday they had an otter enclosure which they never had before and they where so cute!

The eating has been going really well also. I am continually eating my fear foods daily so they are begunning to become a lot less scary. Me and my mum are going to go shopping tomorrow for some more clothes and for lunch we are going to go to an Italian restaurant. Which will be a HUGE challenge for me so of course I will update you all on how it went. I haven’t been to restaurant since January! And I haven’t eaten with anyone since April so this really will be a huge achievement which I am nervous about but also looking forward to. I am so annoyed because I keep forgetting to take pictures of my food and put them up on here! Haha. One day soon I will though so keep your eyes peeled 😀 I am definately going to remember to take a picture of todays snack because it is a new found love of mine 😀

I will also be getting a letter back from the college that I applied to sometime soon where they will give me an interview date which I am quite nervous about! I hate interviews and I am really not a confident person at all so this will be interesting.

I feel like I am exploding with things to say but as soon as I sat down at the computer, they went out of my head again! Well, I haven’t really been doing much today. This morning I watched the Olypics for a while. I am loving the Olympics this year I have to say! Well I always love the Olympics. Haha. Then after that, me and my mum went down to the supermarket to get some stuff for tea. I got this morrocon hummus which looked really nice so I am going to have that tonight along with these homemade falafel burgers that my mum is making for me. They are delish! and then I came home and had lunch. I am back in love with cheese. I don’t know how I went for so long without it! Haha!

Well I hope everyone is having a good sunday 😀 Bye!