I have started a series on my blog and I am not really sure how well this is going to go down BUT I want to help people so once a week I will be talking about subjects that are all mental health illness related because I want to share my experiences and hopefully if you are really struggling a lot at this current moment then I want to tell you what I know and hopefully help. You can read more about my project here.
So I guess I shall get started on today’s topic. I think everyone with an eating disorder no matter what it is has grown to fear food. Maybe use it to control their emotions or to make themselves feel numb to anything. An eating disorder is a hugely powerful thing and it makes you believe that if you eat xxx then something terrible WILL happen to you. It’s not as simple as someone saying to you don’t eat that, that’s bad for you. You have an eating disorder because of something powerful but that’s okay because it IS possible to break free from that horribly strong grip. If you are anything like me then you would know all there is to know about nutrition, calories, the lot really. I find it helpful to take a moment to stand back and say to myself that eating is NOT the bad thing. This eating disorder wants to kill you. It doesn’t want anything good for you and it will poison your head with lies until it’s completely taken over and there is no “you” left.
What if you could tell yourself that all food is, well… food. It’s just something you need, it’s like air and water. I don’t know anyone that deprives themselves of oxygen. You can say it’s not the same thing but I think it is. You are depriving yourself of one of the essential components needed to live. If you had the choice to eat WHATEVER you wanted then would you take it? You do have the choice. You have the choice to stand up to the bully in your head. You have the chance to say YES when someone asks you out for a meal or YES when your friends invite you out. You have the power to say no to this eating disorder but it is all up to YOU.
Moving on to the types of food you eat, I believe that you need ALL foods to make a BALANCED diet. Chocolate, fruit, cereal, pasta, pizza, whole grains, cake etc. etc. You need all the food groups for your body to function at it’s best. I do understand that some people might genuinely like eating only fruits, vegetables, whole grains etc. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. But I don’t want people to on purposely deprive themselves of food just because their head has bullied them into it. My diet used to be very different from what it is now. It was very wholesome with not much variety in it at all. I wasn’t happy, I rigidly counted calories, I would refuse to go out for family meals yet I was convinced I was beating my eating disorder because my weight was higher than previously.
If you feel “comfortable with where you are at now then there is a good chance you are pleasing your eating disorder. I’m not telling you it’s easy and I am not telling you to do something which would make you go back again. I just want you to think, do you really want to please your eating disorder and remain in it’s grip for the rest of your life? Recovery is never ever going to be easy but I do believe it will be worth it.
Because in recovery I can eat meals my family have prepared, I can eat crisps, cake, chocolate, fruit, cereal, carbohydrates without a second thought, I can forget about numbers and think this TASTES good, I can go out to lunch with my mum and not bat an eyelid at the options. I have a long way to go, I accept that and I am up for the challenge. Because it is a long way up from here but it is even longer back down. If there is only one thing you do then that is have faith that things WILL get better.