A bit about my week

Hello,

I hope you are all well and I hope you have had a lovely week. It’s the weekend now which means we can all slow down a bit and I give permission for you to have a break and relax this weekend. I guess a lot of things have happened since last week when I last wrote a blog post so I shall start with last weekend when it was my nanas 80th birthday party and on Saturday morning I travelled up there with my parents because it takes 5-6 hours to get there and my sisters went the day before so they could help with the party preparations etc. On Sunday evening it was my nanas actual party but on Saturday evening it was still a huge challenge for me. We had dinner with the German side of my family because we just haven’t seen them in so many years and it was nice to catch up. I find the socialising part so difficult in itself because it has been so many years since I have seen my German cousins so that is one challenge. And then the next challenge was actually eating in front of them and at first I got so anxious and upset because I would say no when I was offered a drink but they kept going on and on and wouldn’t take no for an answer so that upset me a little.
So the second challenge was to actually eat in front of everyone and I think a lot of people recovering from eating disorders find this bit hard and I know I do because I think people are going to be staring at me and thinking nasty things about me. The more likely thing is that they would probably be too engrossed in their own food to even notice. And then the last challenge was eating a Chinese takeaway (!!!!!!!) Oh my I haven’t had a takeaway in over six years. It was scary and uncomfortable but I did it and I came out the other side and I am not ashamed to admit I am actually a bit proud of myself.
So then the next day on Sunday we spent most of the day preparing the food for the party. The actual party was with all of the family and some of my nanas friends as well. I think the most difficult part was the socialising. I just kind of felt out of place and I didn’t know what to say or how to act. I didn’t really feel like I belonged at all. And then that’s sort of how my week turned from bad to worse because I started listening to all of the thoughts again. I listened to my eating disorder and I obeyed but starting from Wednesday I have been trying my absolute hardest to follow my meal plan again.
Yesterday was also a huge challenge for me because I had to go out to lunch with my community nurse. It was scary for me and it’s hard for me because she barely knows anything about eating disorders. She had a training course a few weeks ago and she likes to tell me things that aren’t even relevant. Like I said once that I am worried about putting weight on quickly and she said when you are at such a low weight, the dieticians increase your meal plan gradually so you don’t get refeeding syndrome. And it’s like that has got nothing to do with what I said she just likes showing off.  It frustrates me because she goes on about eating disorders being secretive and then I ask her not not be weighed and she is fine with it. I know I should be more angry at myself for doing what my eating disorder wants be I WANT them to stop me when I can’t stop myself.
Anyway, by the time I got there I was so anxious and I wasn’t hungry one bit. I said to her I don’t want anything because I am not hungry and then she said oh okay then well do you mind if I get something then? I don’t know, I feel like I ask too much just for these people to support me. I want them to help me but they don’t they just sit there while I have a battle against myself and it’s just unpleasant. In the end I did order a sandwich and it was actually really tasty and that is all that matters I have decided. Not that my nurse just had a salad and I could have gotten away with not having anything. I stood up to the bully in my head and I ate.
And then today has been quite a busy day and I have really enjoyed it actually. I went to my volunteering this morning which I go to every Friday morning. I help out in a charity shop and I really like it because it helps me a lot with my social skills and that is the area that I need to improve on a lot. And then after the charity shop I came home and had lunch and then I painted my nails this lovely coral sort of colour:

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I then relaxed a little this afternoon and ate my amazing afternoon snack of course which I wanted to talk to you about.

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I just love eat natural bars SO much and if you live in the UK, like fruit and nuts bars, like chocolate then you will love these as well. I always have my cupboard stocked with them because they are my favourite go to snack. I like how they are really balanced with a little bit of fruit, protein, important fats and then the chocolate which is needed to balance it out. I think this one here along with the cashew and blueberry yogurt coated ones are my favourite. So yes, if you haven’t tried these already then I would highly recommend you trying them! I hope you all have a lovely evening and I shall be bak with another post very soon

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Food pictures.

Hello 🙂

Today has been quite a good day 😀 I have been out to the shops twice 😛 The first time was to buy mince meat as we are running low and also to buy other food stuff and then the second time I went was with my sister as she wanted to go to new look and to boots to get some stuff for her A-level presentation evening which she has later on this week.

I also made mince pies today.

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Mince pies.

I think they turned out quite well 😀 The only problem was the mince meat kind of exploded out the side of some of them. I don’t think that’s too much of a big deal though. And I am definitely going to try a mince pie this year. Even if I only have one it will be a big achievment I think.

I also plan on baking other things this week. Over the weekend I am going to bake a tea cake loaf which I am quite (ok, a lot) excited about. 😛 I have just wanted to make it for ages now and right this moment I am in the mood to bake and to actually eat what I have made so I think that’s a good excuse to bake lots now.

Anddd I also have some food pictures to show you all:

Yogurt with a chopped banana and granola.

Yogurt with a chopped banana and granola.

This is the BEST breakfast ever. So tasty and definitely a great way to kick start your morning.

Boiled egg and toast.

Boiled egg and toast.

I have also had a boiled egg for breakfast. I never really have eggs for breakfast, I usually just go for cereal or toast but I woke up and really fancied an egg so I had one. And marmite spread on the toast is an absolute must 😛 And then I also had a glass of orange juice on the side.

 

Crumpet and banana.

Crumpet spread with peanut butter and a banana.

And then my last breakfast to show is a crumpet spread with peanut butter and a banana. Crumpets are the absolute best 😀 Especially spread with peanut butter so it seeps into all of the holes!

Next onto a lunch photo:

 

Vegetable soup with a bagel.

Vegetable soup with a bagel.

This is possibly my favourite lunch ever. Well, I think my favourite soup is Covent garden butternut squash soup. The one here is the Covent garden best ever vegetable soup and I really like this one as well. And I am so excited because today I bought the seasonal one: honey and parsnip!! Oh my gosh, I cannot wait to try it! And I love bagels as well so usually I would have a bagel with my soup.

Wholewheat pasta with tomato and mushroom sauce and quorn meatballs.

Wholewheat pasta with tomato and mushroom sauce and quorn meatballs.

And this is a dinner. This is actually the one I had last night, (don’t worry, I had more than this.) I loove pasta so much and I actually quite like quorn as well. I am a vegetarian which some of you might not know so I do eat quorn. I like their meatballs, mince, chicken pieces, delli slices, burgers and I also like some of their ready meals.

And that is everything 🙂

Pictuuures

Hello

Hope everyone is well. May I announce that as I type this my feet feel like that are going to fall off because they are that cold.. Anyway, onto the blog post 😛

It is actually starting to feel like Christmas now!! (Insert picture here)

Christmas tree 9.

Here is my Christmas tree 😀 We have just put it up today and it looks so pretty. I am really looking forward to Christmas now. (I didn’t think I would find myself saying that) but I am looking forward to it. I am still nervous about countless things but as we were putting our tree up today, the Christmas spirit finally started to kick in. And I like it 😀 Me and my sister had the Christmas carols going and it was just really nice!

This afternoon/evening I have been sorting out all my photos that are on my computer as there as a lot of them and they were all just so jumbled up! And I thought I would share some. So this can be a kind of “less words more pictures” kind of post!

Millie 19.

Here is a picture of my Millie that I took the other day. Take no notice of her dirty belly, discusting dog 😉 As you can see she really does need a brush!

Alfie 2.

Old picture but Alfie seriously loves sitting on the chair so he can watch whoever it is going by.

Now we are on the topic of my dogs, particularly Alfie, I have a funny/strange story to tell. This starts by me saying that I strongly believe animals have a sixth sense and I believe that they know exactly what is going on at exactly that time. This time last year, I was quite deep into my eating disorder. As you probably know, it’s very distressing for the person who is watching you failing to eat. Like I remember my mum would tell me to eat and I would just shout and scream at her. This happened almost every night. And this is where Alfie comes in, the dogs are always shut in the kitchen/breakfast room area as those two places are linked without a door. So everytime Alfie heard a raised voice or saw mum mum getting upset, he would let himself out of the room and go upstairs or in a different room. He can let himself out as he is quite a bit dog and he just jumps up and uses his paws to push down the handle (clever dog) Well anyway, I remember one time when he did it again and my mum said “oh now you have upset Alfie again” I don’t think I will ever forget that. It’s obvious that eating disorders are going to have an impact on family and freinds but never does anyone think that animals would be effected. Of course they are.

Pippin 72.

This is a picture of my hamster that I took a while ago. I walked into my room one evening and I just saw him hanging upside down in his cage. I thought it was hilariously funny so of course I had to snap a picture right away 😉

Pumpkin 4.

My pumpkin that I carved this halloween. (I was quite proud of it) 😛

Corfu 2.

An the last picture I am going to upload is this one. When I went to Corfu in 2011. I found it as I was organising all my pictures and look how beautiful it is!