Challenging yourself in a healthy way

Hello everyone,

Today I wanted to talk to you all about challenging yourself in a HEALTHY way. I think that anyone with any type of mental illness has fallen victim to punishing themselves and setting themselves too high a goals which they cannot achieve. I know personally my goals were ridiculous, to be friends with everyone and to be happy and bubbly all of the time. So in the end I was exhausted and wearing myself out and my anorexia got stronger and stronger until I felt oh this is great, I am losing weight finally something I can be good at. Of course in time I found myself as unhappy as ever and so I entered recovery and have been trying to find new ways of challenging myself that do not include unachievable goals or physically and mentally harming myself.

This next week marks a very important week for me in my recovery because my parents left for France yesterday evening for 10 days. I got ever so anxious yesterday and when I get anxious I scream because I don’t let the thoughts come in. So I am just sat with an anxious feeling and I have no idea why. But yesterday was one of the easier times where I could link my anxiety to a big event and sometimes I can’t do that. So, after I had calmed down a little bit I thought to myself… This is a REALLY BIG positive step. I am challenging myself from being away from my mum so I have to take care and responsibility of my own recovery. This is a huge positive and healthy challenge because I am not going to be punishing myself and I have set myself an achievable goal and if I don’t quite manage then no harm is actually done. I am still going to feel accomplished because being away from my parents is already half of the challenged ticked already.

So I wanted to share with you a few other little challenges that I have/want to achieve. I do lots of planning of these kinds of challenges and it makes me feel SO GOOD once I have finished them. Like I didn’t know I could have such a confidence boost just by doing my favourite hobby regularly or doing homework tasks set by my therapist. You will see these goals are not entirely food related but some are because I like to have a mixture. The one thing they all have in common is health and well being related. Here are my goals:

  • To make my friendship bracelets whenever I have a few spare minutes in the day
  • To give in my job application forms (already done this one!)
  • To go horse riding as regularly as possible. I love horse riding but sometimes it’s a lot of effort to make myself go. Just because my negative voices are very loud and recently I seem to have lost interest in nearly all of my hobbies. But horse riding is something that actually makes me feel good about and it is a challenge to make myself go so that is why it is on here
  • To put effort into my mindfulness practice and to do it at least three times a week
  • To go back to college in September (That’s a huge one and I have knots in my stomach just thinking about it!)
  • To make the effort to have lunch out with any family member each week. This is an important one because I have found that I absolutely love having lunch with my mum. I can talk to her about therapy and any worries I might have and because it is at a time and day that we have planned to have lunch then I can plan what to say and I find that very useful because if we didn’t do that then there wouldn’t be another time that I feel more comfortable talking to her. Because at my house it is busy busy busy!
  • To make sure I keep writing to my pen pals
  • To make sure I look after myself. Wash my face, put a bit of make up on, use my perfume, use my favourite shower gel and body lotion. Hand cream and foot cream. When I was deep into my illness I wouldn’t do any of this. My hands and lips were completely cracked and bleeding because I refused to look after myself. Now I wake up feeling like I want to get out of bed and have a nice day just because it feels a bit nicer being in my skin.
  • To walk my dogs everyday

So those are all of my goals and challenges to make me feel like I have a purpose to my life and I am not just floating around doing nothing. I have ambitions and I want a proper life and hopefully my goals will help me towards that. What are your personal challenges/goals? I would love to hear them.

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Yesterday lunch

Hello everyone,

I shall be posting a recipe later on today but first I wanted to do a little post about my lunch that I had yesterday. Me and my mum love going out for lunch so we decided to make it a regular occurrence and we usually go once a week depending on how busy we both are. It’s lovely to spend some time with my mum and also I sometimes meet her before/after therapy so it puts me in a good mood. We have two favourite cafes now but we want to find new places to go because it’s always nice to go somewhere different!

The place I went to yesterday was actually a shop and they have a cafe on the top floor. I think lots of places do that now actually and I like going there because then I can look at all of the kitchen/craft stuff when I am finished 😉 Yesterday I felt like a toasted sandwich and I hadn’t actually seen them do toasted sandwiches before but maybe that is because I wasn’t looking? I chose a cheese and tomato toastie and it was delish.

Cheese and tomato toastie

And then for pudding we both got a cake and I got the coffee and walnut cake which is one of my favourite ever flavours. I have also had the chocolate brownie there before as well. I think I like my chocolate things 😉 I shall have to try the chocolate cake next time I go. I have always been eyeing it up but I think that saying you eat with your eyes is true. Because once my dad bought a cake slice and I just wouldn’t have chosen to eat it because it looked just a bit boring but I had it and it was actually very tasty. I don’t know I think that I do usually make such a fuss if my food doesn’t look tasty I think that is definitely something I need to work on! But I don’t think it is a specific eating disorder thing. I think it is a me being silly thing! Ramble over… Here was my cake.

Coffee and walnut cake

I did enjoy it but it was very very dense. It wasn’t light and fluffy and my mum said that my homemade cakes are 1000x better. I think a bake session is in order this weekend 😉 Something different will be happening next week. Something different and scary. On Tuesday I am going out for lunch but I am not going with my mum, I am going with my dad. Me and my dad have a difficult relationship and my illness has made it worse. The other day I was just talking with my dad and suddenly I asked him out for lunch. I am not one to be so forward but I did it and I am actually very proud. Me and my dad don’t really do anything together and if we do then my mum is always there. So I hope that this will be a good time to bond and also it will be out of the house and at my favourite cafe so I think (I hope) that I will feel relaxed because most times I don’t feel relaxed at home and that’s when the conflict starts.

I think I am making important steps and I am quite proud of myself which one day I won’t be ashamed of saying! Eating lunch out is getting a little bit easier each week and I think it just proves that if you try then you will succeed. I am aware that most people might not go out for lunch once a week but I think for me it is helping challenging myself and it helps putting an hour aside each week so me and my mum can have a good chat in a calm and relaxed environment which unfortunately is not home at the moment but it will be. Just take each day as it comes.

Food never has and never will be the enemy (the mental health project 2)

Hello 🙂

I have started a series on my blog and I am not really sure how well this is going to go down BUT I want to help people so once a week I will be talking about subjects that are all mental health illness related because I want to share my experiences and hopefully if you are really struggling a lot at this current moment then I want to tell you what I know and hopefully help. You can read more about my project here.

So I guess I shall get started on today’s topic. I think everyone with an eating disorder no matter what it is has grown to fear food. Maybe use it to control their emotions or to make themselves feel numb to anything. An eating disorder is a hugely powerful thing and it makes you believe that if you eat xxx then something terrible WILL happen to you. It’s not as simple as someone saying to you don’t eat that, that’s bad for you. You have an eating disorder because of something powerful but that’s okay because it IS possible to break free from that horribly strong grip. If you are anything like me then you would know all there is to know about nutrition, calories, the lot really. I find it helpful to take a moment to stand back and say to myself that eating is NOT the bad thing. This eating disorder wants to kill you. It doesn’t want anything good for you and it will poison your head with lies until it’s completely taken over and there is no “you” left.

What if you could tell yourself that all food is, well… food. It’s just something you need, it’s like air and water. I don’t know anyone that deprives themselves of oxygen. You can say it’s not the same thing but I think it is. You are depriving yourself of one of the essential components needed to live. If you had the choice to eat WHATEVER you wanted then would you take it? You do have the choice. You have the choice to stand up to the bully in your head. You have the chance to say YES when someone asks you out for a meal or YES when your friends invite you out. You have the power to say no to this eating disorder but it is all up to YOU.

Moving on to the types of food you eat, I believe that you need ALL foods to make a BALANCED diet. Chocolate, fruit, cereal, pasta, pizza, whole grains, cake etc. etc. You need all the food groups for your body to function at it’s best. I do understand that some people might genuinely like eating only fruits, vegetables, whole grains etc. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. But I don’t want people to on purposely deprive themselves of food just because their head has bullied them into it. My diet used to be very different from what it is now. It was very wholesome with not much variety in it at all. I wasn’t happy, I rigidly counted calories, I would refuse to go out for family meals yet I was convinced I was beating my eating disorder because my weight was higher than previously.

If you feel “comfortable with where you are at now then there is a good chance you are pleasing your eating disorder. I’m not telling you it’s easy and I am not telling you to do something which would make you go back again. I just want you to think, do you really want to please your eating disorder and remain in it’s grip for the rest of your life? Recovery is never ever going to be easy but I do believe it will be worth it.

Because in recovery I can eat meals my family have prepared, I can eat crisps, cake, chocolate, fruit, cereal, carbohydrates without a second thought, I can forget about numbers and think this TASTES good, I can go out to lunch with my mum and not bat an eyelid at the options. I have a long way to go, I accept that and I am up for the challenge. Because it is a long way up from here but it is even longer back down. If there is only one thing you do then that is have faith that things WILL get better.

Homemade hummus and the mental health project introduction

Hello everyone,

I wanted to share with you one of the most simplest recipes ever. It is my homemade hummus and I have to warn you that it doesn’t taste like shop bought hummus BUT it’s still yummy and I always like making things for several reasons the first being just because it is a big hobby of mine and it’s much more satisfying making your own meal than whipping out something that is premade!

IMG_0246

Ingredients:

  • 1 tin chickpeas, drained
  • 1 tbsp lemon juice
  • 1 garlic clove, chopped
  • 2 tbsp olive oil

What to do:

  1. Place all ingredients in a food processer or you can use a hand blender or just mash by hand. Blend until it has made a smooth puree and then tadah you are done!
  2. Don’t freak out about the oil because olive oil is SO good for you. I am actually going to list all of the good things about fats because they are essential in the diet and people seem to be afraid of fats when they shouldn’t be because we need ALL nutrients to make up a BALANCED diet.

Why fats are so good for you and why you need them in your diet:

  • Carbohydrates are the main source of energy in the body but when the body has ran out it will turn to the fat stores to find energy
  • Fats help maintain body temperature
  • They protect and cushion your organs and bodies tissue
  • Used to build new cells
  • Vitamins A, D, E and K are fat soluable vitamins which means without fat they cannot function properly
  • Essential for brain development and nerve function
  • They keep your hair, skin and nails beautiful and shiny, make sure your hair doesn’t fall out and isn’t all brittle and straw like. Protein helps with this as well

Another little thing I wanted to add to this post is that I have a bit of an announcement I guess urm I don’t know what you would call it. I have been thinking for a long while and I want to make a series of blog posts to do with anything mental health and anorexia recovery related. I have been in recovery for four years now and I have learnt A LOT over my time so as well as my recipes and my daily posts on this blog which I love doing so much once a week I will be doing posts on things so this week was why fats are good for you and I will also be doing things like my personal views on stopping counting calories, how to deal with friends/family who are on a diet, extreme hunger in recovery and so on. I want to be able to share my experiences with people and to help them. I would love it if you commented to say if you think this is a good idea and also if you have suggestions of posts I could do then I would love that so much. I have decided to call this series “the mental health project” because I think that’s a good all round general name for the sorts of topics I will be talking about.

To new beginnings

Hello,
I have decided to start up my blog again as I stopped posting for a long long time. I have decided that it will be a bit like last time, I will just talk a bit about my recovery and also I will post some recipes because one thing you should know about me is that I just LOVE to cook and bake!
So, to those new readers and to everyone actually I thought I would do a little introductory post. I won’t say my name just yet for privacy reasons but I am 19, I love cooking and baking as I mentioned earlier, I also love horse riding and I love doing little crafty projects like making cards and bracelets and little things like that.
I am in recovery from anorexia and I have been in recovery for four years now. Since I last posted a lot has happened but I shall just give you a quick overview. Everything was going really well at one point, I was at a good stable weight and I was going to college, going to party’s, had such lovely friends. But then around Christmas time 2014 I started to relapse but I didn’t listen to anyone saying it was my eating disorder in control, I didn’t think I was ill again of course because that is what anorexia does to you. It clouds your judgement and it makes your world so tiny that you have no one but each other. Eventually things took a turn for the worse and I was admitted to an adult psychiatric ward in February 2015. Luckily they don’t like keeping the patients there for months at a time. They like to get them better as soon as is possible and then have them recover at home in the community. There was a time when I was going to be transferred to a specialised eating disorder unit which is miles away from where I live and I would have had to have stayed there for 4-6 months but luckily I complied with my meal plan eventually and then I only had to stay in hospital for 5 and a half weeks.
I have been out of hospital for roughly two months now and things are really going well. I still have bad days of course because recovery isn’t all about the ups, it is about the downs as well. But the main thing is that I am plodding along and I have absolutely no desire to go back into hospital which is why I shall be sticking to my meal plan in the long future. This was just a short update post to say hello. And I might even put another post up later today. If you have any questions feel free to ask me, goodbye for now 🙂 

New family member

Good morning,

I just wanted to show you all my hamster that I got a few weeks ago. She is adorable and can just sit in your hand for hours wile you stroke her. I love her so much.

MaisieMaisie

Maisie is definitely another reason of why I want to recover and for all of my other animals because they need me to be well enough to look after them and slowly I will get there. I need to do some college work today and then I have a driving lesson so hopefully that will be good. I may even do some baking if I feel like it.

Meal plan.

I feel the need to document this because I feel like the fattest person ever to have come on this earth. So here goes.

Breakfast: 40g porridge oats with 120ml of soy milk and a tsp of honey, grapes.

Snack: Soreen banana lunchbox loaf.

Lunch: 50g couscous with 1/2 jar of chargrilled vegetable sauce and 70g quorn chicken pieces.

Snack: Large banana.

Dinner: Two slices wholemeal toast spread with 2tbsp peanut butter, nectarine and raspberry yogurt.

Snack: Graze black pepper popcorn.

And I was going to have more to get me to at least near my calories but this popcorn has outdone me. There was literally SO much of it and I seriously don’t think I can fit another thing in me. What the hell is wrong with me? Im horrible 😥